A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: ‘Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?’ The man below says: ‘Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.’

You must be an engineer’ says the balloonist. ‘I am’ replies the man. ‘How did you know.’ ‘Well,’ says the balloonist, ‘everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.’

The man below says ‘you must be the boss of your company.’ ‘I am’ replies the balloonist, ‘but how did you know?’ ‘Well,’ says the man, ‘you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.’

The Role Of A Boss

Dumb knows no borders, and being the boss seems to bring with it an obligation to make idiotic pronouncements, execute illogical decisions and basically wreak havoc on organizations, most of which would probably run pretty well without the boss. And this is done while finding ways to blame the disastrous results of their obtuse strategies on convenient subordinates. Why? Because it’s what they do!

They Must Go To Some Secret School To Learn This

Over the 30+ year span of my career, I have worked for a number of companies. Most had very little in common and were strikingly different in areas such as corporate culture, structure, purpose and business approach. Unfortunately, having not been born the quintessential entrepreneur, the one thing I always had in each job was a boss - a divisional or corporate number one, numero uno, head honcho, big guy, leader (as in “take me to your”) and various other endearing names describing their position at the top of their department or the company.

After working with each of them for just a short while, it became very apparent that several other names might be more appropriate in describing them - “Nuts” or “Bonkers” immediately came to mind - and every time they made what I believed was a decision which bordered on absurdity and was made without regard to rhyme nor reason, I started thinking of them not as the Head Honcho but as the Chief Nut; the proud possessors of a coveted Doctor of Illogic degree.

Flipping A Coin Would Yield Better Results

At times, the decisions these people made were truly mind boggling, and went a long way toward confirming to me that all of these very smart people were not so very smart after all. I remember early in my career, I had a boss who was very kindly preparing me for management, and bestowed on me the following words of wisdom; “Always remember that no decision is a decision”. I assume that was his way of saying that making no decision leaves a fifty-fifty chance of being right or wrong (mighty sage advise I must admit).

Well, just look at the situation we are facing in America right now. We had all these smart people, these great financial minds, in powerful positions both in and out of government, making “our” decisions, executing their strategies in “our” best interests and guiding “our” futures. And where did that leave us? At the current moment, with a financial system in shambles, with more bailouts needed than it would take to re-float the Titanic, and mired in a very nasty recession with unemployment rapidly rising. It has only reconfirmed in my mind that all of these really smart people are no smarter than if either you or I made the same decisions by simply flipping a coin.  In fact, making no decision would probably have left us in much better shape - since the educated decisions of those “experts” appear to have been wrong most of the time.

What’s The Deal Here?

So again, what is the reason for this website? It’s two-fold. First, it will allow you, the harried, under appreciated and over blamed employee an opportunity to fight back, by letting the world know just how dumb your boss really is. Second and somewhat related, I am on a quest - to find the dumbest boss on the planet. We all have examples of dumb decisions made by inept superiors who never own up to the messes that they create. I have many examples (the two static postings are just the tip of the iceberg), and I am looking for examples of yours. This is where you get to vent. Providing readers of this site with details of stupid decisions, dumb statements, inappropriate comments and anecdotes showcasing the overall ineptitude of your boss, whether past or present, will make them feel like they are not alone. After all, misery loves company.

Periodically, we will have the readers vote on their favorite candidate, and ultimately, we will narrow it down to one - just one nut who will claim the title of the planet’s dumbest boss.

Please take a minute to read the Ground Rules. They are important and you must understand them before you post.

Then, enjoy adding your two cents and reading what others have to say.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE GROUND RULES

You are not limited by space, so be as creative and complete as possible.  Try adding as much humor as you can (people like to laugh and in this case, they will be laughing with you, not at you.)  Give a bit of the background, state the issue(s) involved and how your boss messed things up, or if bad behavior or bad language was the issue, describe it.  Whatever their stupidity, get it off your chest.

If you need any assistance, please feel free to email me at headnut@mybossisbonkers.com

Have fun,

The Head Nut

The following incident took place during my tenure as VP Sales and Marketing for an International resort . In addition to being a beautiful property, the resort I worked for also had wonderful facilities; a casino, shopping plaza, multiple restaurants and bars as well as the only golf course at the destination.  Having the sole golf course would ordinarily have been a great competitive advantage.  In addition to our guests, we drew golfing visitors from the area’s other hotels.  This gave us an opportunity to showcase our hotel and facilities even to those who were not staying with us, thereby creating a potential for future business.

Is This A Trick Question?

One day, I was summoned to the President’s office.  When I arrived, he had a copy of a local “Things to Do” publication in his hand and a quizzical look on his face.  “Look at this - this is unbelievable”, he said, and handed me the magazine open to an ad for the resort next door.  Hard as I tried, I couldn’t find anything odd about the ad.  When I told him I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, he pointed to a list of our neighboring resort’s features.  There, in the middle of that list, were the offending words; “Golf Nearby”.  “How can they say that”, he asked.  I truly thought it was a trick question, so I asked him to clarify his concerns.  He then said that they had no right to advertise golf nearby because we owned the golf course.  I gingerly pointed out that in saying that there was golf nearby, they were stating a fact - after all, they were directly next door to us. The President became even more irate.  He was quick to point out that the course was our asset, not theirs, and they had no right to use our course in their advertising.  I again said they were only stating a fact, we were neighbors with them, and their guests routinely played on our course, bought merchandise in our golf shop and ate in our restaurants either before or after playing, to which he uttered the two words which will haunt me forever; “Not anymore!”  At that point he picked up the telephone, called the Director of Golf and instructed him that from that point onward, he would only allow our guests to play on our course.  NO ONE ELSE COULD PLAY GOLF THERE!

Talk About Cutting Off Your Nose…

On hearing this, I begged him to reconsider on many grounds.  First, golf brought considerable incremental outside revenue to the resort.  Second, only 7% of our guests played golf and the vast majority of them were casual golfers, playing once or twice during their stay.  That meant that they did not stay with us for the golf, but played because it was there.  It was already likely that we had most if not all of the serious golfers staying with us, as they would naturally want to be closer in proximity to the course and pay the better rates our guests received versus those who did not stay with us.  It, therefore, seemed unlikely that guests staying at other hotels would shift to us strictly for the golf - an assumption which turned out to be accurate. In the days following, my telephone rang off the hook, with calls from nearby hotels begging me to intercede because travel groups they had already booked were planning on playing golf together once or twice during their stay, and those resorts were in danger of losing that group business to other destinations.  Unfortunately, I was powerless to act. In the end, we not only lost significant incremental revenue, we also did not increase our occupancy by as little as a single point as a result, and ended up alienating most of the other nearby resorts.  All this because of those two haunting words.  And you think your boss is nuts?

I became the Vice President of Worldwide Sales and Marketing for a major offshore resort. With 15+ years of experience at that time, I was chosen because my track record was one of consistent success.

So, what exactly is a Contrarian?

I quickly found out that my boss, the President of the company and someone with NO experience whatsoever in the hospitality business, was what we termed, “a Contrarian”; a person whose thinking always runs counter to conventional wisdom.  If a subordinate suggested Red (even if Red had proven successful 100% of the time), he insisted Red was too conventional and picked Black instead.  His thinking was simple -  “If you do the conventional, you will never be any better than the competition”, he was fond of saying.  My counter argument was simple; if we combined conventional techniques with new ideas (a hybrid approach), executed the conventional more skillfully than our neighbors, and added a differentiating element, we would trounce the competition.  Unfortunately, this argument fell on deaf ears.  In fact, we were often reminded by the boss never to use the term, “competition”, because he truly believed that we were so unconventional, different and unique, that we had no competition.

It’s My Way or the Highway

Early in my tenure, I realized that the majority of the hotel’s marketing budget was being spent in the U.S., with little going toward marketing in European countries capable of filling a significant number of additional rooms.  The result was that the hotel ran no more than 50% occupancy and was top heavy with US visitors (which accounted for about 40% of the resort’s 50% occupancy).  It sorely lacked the incremental European business which could have significantly increased our occupancy figures.

One of the highly cost efficient ways to reach out to European travel companies was to attend the world’s largest travel show, ITB, held for 4 days each year in Berlin, Germany.  The beauty of that show was that travel companies from all over Europe, many of whom were on our target list, attended the show and had exhibition stands.  It was simple to pre-plan an appointment and meet at the show, and in my prior experience, had resulted in generating significant business.  It also made business connections a great deal easier and less costly than going from country to country attending meetings.

Because of the global impact of the show, visitors came from all over the world to attend, making acquisition of air seats and hotel rooms in Berlin during those few days extremely difficult.  In fact, immediately after returning from the exhibition, attendees usually made reservations for the next year’s show.  In my case, I joined the hotel about four months prior to the show (held in early March), and immediately set about making reservations.  Through personal contacts, I, luckily, was able to secure both seats and rooms.

In a new business strategy meeting with the President a month or so later, I casually mentioned my trip to Berlin.  I had barely finished describing the show when he said that going to ITB was much too conventional - only because virtually everyone went.  He was insistent that we needed to find another way to reach those European buyers.  For the next half hour, I used every argument I could think of to convince him that going to the show was the right move, including pointing out how much additional money and time going from country to county would cost us.  Unmoved, he insisted I cancel my plans.

Don’t blame me, I’m never wrong!

About a week before ITB, the President called me into his office and, in a conversation that can only be described as profoundly surreal, demanded to know why we were not attending ITB.  It turned out that in a conversation with one of the major accounting firms that had a travel consulting division, the President had been strongly advised that attending ITB was the best strategy for quickly developing European business.  In response, I spent the next 15 minutes reminding him that not only had I planned attending months before, but discussed it with him as well, and he had instructed me to cancel the trip.  His answer?  “Well you know, you didn’t push your case hard enough.”  It took all of my will power to keep from saying, “well, short of strangling you and keeping my plans intact, how much harder could I have pushed”, but my mortgage, other bills and happy marriage kept me from opening my mouth.

For the next 8 hours, I did nothing but make last minute arrangements to attend ITB, by calling on good friends for favors in order to get an air seat and hotel room (now, both at top dollar).  I then spent an additional day figuring out the logistics of transporting 6 boxes of literature to the show (at about 30 lbs per box), all of which would have been in a Berlin warehouse months before had I gone through with my original plans.  Because so little time remained, I decided to take the literature with me as checked baggage (another big additional expense).

Boxes?  We don’t need no stinkin’ boxes!

When I arrived in Berlin on Friday, I discovered that the airline had managed to misplace only one of my boxes - a minor victory considering the last minute nature of the trip.  Shortly after my arrival at the hotel, the airline called - they had found the 6th box - and delivered it later that night.  I actually had all of my literature!

The show is held in what is called the Berlin Fairgrounds, a huge exhibition complex consisting of about 30 separate halls (most with two stories), and is filled with travel exhibitors.  At 8 am on Saturday morning (the first day of the show), I arranged for a taxi, packed my 6 boxes in the trunk, and headed off to the Fairgrounds.  When I got there, I unloaded the boxes outside the building where our stand was located and proceeded inside to get a luggage cart.  I emerged from the hall and to my amazement, my boxes were nowhere to be seen.  Figuring I came out the wrong door, I went back in, retraced my steps and emerged…in the same place, with no boxes in sight.  I spotted a gentleman in blue overalls standing nearby, and I approached him to ask if he had seen my boxes.  My next problem was that he spoke German and little English, and I speak English and little German.  Using hand and arm gestures and the little bit of German I could summon, I asked him if he had seen the boxes, to which he immediately replied, “Yah”.  Relieved, I then asked where they were, and he motioned toward a nearby garbage truck, and with a sweeping motion of his arms, he made it clear that he had tossed them into the truck!  In words I will never forget, and in English with a strong German accent, he said, “I vas tolt to clean up, zo I cleent up”.  I then asked him to remove them from his truck, to which he replied, “Nein” (that’s “no” for those of you who don’t speak German) and used a crushing motion with his hands - his truck, as it turned out, was a compactor and my literature, as it turned out, was history.

It took a Saturday morning, 5 AM (New York Time) phone call to my Director of Sales begging him to run to the office, pack up one large crate of literature and ship it overnight by air freight (at a cost of almost a thousand dollars) to rescue the last few days of the show.

All this because my boss was a confirmed contrarian.  And you think your boss is nuts?